Society hands us so many ideas about how things are supposed to be. Preconceived beliefs, labels and expectations shape how we behave, how we feel, and how we relate to others. They can keep us following an idea of what is normal before we have properly explored what feels right to us.

There are relationships in my life for which there are no names. I think of my ex’s wife and their daughter. I can explain how we are connected, but those descriptions say very little about what we are to one another. Even more so, they should not determine what these relationships are allowed to become.

This is part of what replacing default with intention means in my life: recognizing where I have inherited an answer, and giving myself room to discover whether it is actually mine.

Let’s be cautious whenever “supposed to” enters the narrative. That should always be questioned and approached with hesitation.

Let’s use the love we are made out of to determine for ourselves how we want to live and relate to one another.