Everything I write comes down to one thing: replacing default with intention. Default is what you do without choosing it, repeating what was done before or what others do. Intention is consciously committing to a direction. Each piece approaches it from a different angle, and together they build toward an authentic, happy and meaningful life.

The default: getting used to what is good
Our minds are built to get used to things. A new home, a job you had hoped for, a person you were excited to meet: after a while, they become normal. And we rarely notice this happening. That is why the good things in life tend to fade into the background, while we start looking for the next one.

We can become so used to what is good in our lives that we stop appreciating it, even though its value has not changed or may even have grown. What was once a gift becomes the baseline. The good news is that this default can, and in my opinion should, be interrupted, and gratitude and savoring are two simple yet effective ways to do that.

Gratitude and savoring give us ways to bring our attention back. Gratitude involves recognizing what we are thankful for. Savoring involves consciously noticing and appreciating a good experience. Both help us experience the value of what is already part of our lives.

Gratitude
In one study I learned about in the Yale program on the science of well-being, people wrote down up to five things they were grateful for, once a week for ten weeks. Other groups recorded either hassles or events that had affected them. The gratitude group rated their lives more favorably, felt more optimistic about the week ahead, and reported fewer physical complaints. They also reported spending more time exercising than the group that recorded hassles. A brief weekly practice affected more than their appreciation alone.

Expressing gratitude to another person offers a different way to practice. In another study, participants wrote a letter to someone who had made a real difference in their life but had never been properly thanked, and then delivered it in person. This gratitude visit produced the largest initial improvement in happiness among the exercises tested. The improvement was still evident at the one-month follow-up.

Savoring
Savoring means giving your attention to a good experience and allowing yourself to appreciate it. You might notice the taste of a meal, enjoy a conversation without preparing to leave, or pause to take in how you feel when something goes well.

Savoring, as you may have noticed, is a way of practicing presence. We are consciously bringing an experience to mind and paying attention to the appreciation and enjoyment it brings us now. We are practicing being aware of our experience, rather than letting our thoughts direct our attention without us choosing it.

A daily diary study followed people’s positive experiences, savoring, and feelings over thirty days. Sharing their enjoyment, recognizing what they appreciated, and paying close attention to the experience were among the forms of savoring examined. People reported greater happiness when they consciously noticed and appreciated those positive experiences.

There is one more surprisingly simple way to refresh enjoyment: taking a break from the enjoyable experience. In experiments involving activities such as listening to music or sitting in a massage chair, participants enjoyed the experience more when it resumed after a break. This is because the breaks disrupted the process of getting used to it. Something we expect to spoil our enjoyment can sometimes renew it.

How gratitude and savoring relate to the Well
Gratitude and savoring belong to the foundation of the Well: they help us appreciate what nourishes us. But expressing gratitude also reaches toward the other side. Telling someone what their care, presence, or contribution has meant to you gives them an opportunity to feel recognized and appreciated. That makes gratitude a clear connection between what we receive and what we offer. We recognize what someone has brought to our life, and we let them know it matters.

Bryant (2021)
Emmons & McCullough (2003)
Jose, Lim & Bryant (2012)
Nelson & Meyvis (2008)
Seligman et al. (2005)